Ups and downs

Think I've been pretty good this week.
Burned of a lot of calories, not eating a lot of chocolate or other stuff and even been good with alcohol... Just one glass sparkling now and then.

But yesterday it all fell apart :(
First of I hadn't had much to eat all day, then some friends of us came over and we shared a bottle of sparkling. I had about three glasses and got so drunk and so sick to my stomach :(
Puked and puked and felt awful

And I had planned this great Easter dinner and wasn't capable of staying on my feet without puking :(

Good thing my husband saved the dinner while I was curled up on the bathroom floor.
Took me about five hours to get my head back in place and I spent the rest of the evening curled up on the sofa stuffing chocolate :(

Jeez would think I was a teenager that couldn't hold my liquor.
And double bad result....

Today I wake up feeling just awful. Have to face my kids, who of course saw me yesterday.
Not sure what I'll say to them....
They shouldn't have to see their mother like that!

Burning it off

Two good days i a row! That I like!

Finally got our guests out of the house and got our self out skiing.
Yesterday I got to run downhill and cross country, totally burning off almost 1300 calories.
And today we had more than five hours of intens downhill skiing, burning of more than 1600 calories
And that's not all. I've also been super good at not eating junk food or sweets or stuffing my face with other stuff... So yesterday enden on a net calorie intake of 38 calories and today -158

Wohoo to me :)

Crap day

Jeeez I hate fighting with my daughter. Makes me feel so unbelievable rotten.
And today I think I picked a fight with her at least five times.... Over peanuts

So who cares if it was three weeks or seven since she bought here self a new bikini??? Well me obviously... Since I had to pick a fight with her over that.
Jeeez I give her pocket money... And if she wants to blow it on a second bikini in three or seven weeks? Why the hell should I argue with her over that???

So feeling my so familiar depression rolling in over me.... I hit the chocolate. As it will make me feel so much better....for exactly five minutes...before I start hating my fat body again and wonder...why the hell I have to be so fucking stupid???

So now I feel sorry for my daughter, sorry for myself, sorry for being such an idiot, sorry for poring this over who ever cares to read....
I'm sorry!!!!

"Work out"

Well it wasn't work out in a gym or running along streets....
But I did slalom for almost 5 hours yesterday.... And since we more or less stayed in the hard (black) slopes my thighs really got to work.
They where shaking and burning when I got back home.

Tracked the whole trip and according to the app burned off almost 1000 calories :)

So subtracting this from the 1150 calories that I ate...I ended on a net total of 210 cals yesterday
Wohoo!!
And didn't eat any junk food yesterday either....

Did good

So proud of my self for pulling my act together yesterday!

Really felt good to finish a day without any extra calories, no junk food, no chocolate or other sweets.
And did an hour an half of intensive mountain walking which left me exhausted and feeling so good.

Hoping for another good day today.
Feeling good about having a new UGW to work towards!

New UGW

Thank you so much for the support.
Means a lot to me.
I've sat my self a new UGW of 108lbs so if I just don't go totally bananas this easter I know what to work for :)
And hopefully I haven't gained so much during easter that it will be to hard to reach my new UGW.

I feel that having a new goal to work for aften easter will make it a bit easier to not go totally binge the few days that are left.

Easter eatout

And here we go again....
New holiday, new trip with friends to the cabin...
And I stuff my face with chocolate and lost of food and I don't know how to stop

I just wanna cry!!! Why is it so damn hard to just not eat??

Jeeez I hate my self right now. So weak :(

New Pro-Ana forum

Stumbled upon a new Pro-Ana forum yesterday and imediately fell for it.
Simple and elegant design, easy access (also from mobile apps)
And so mann beautiful people there.

Especially liker the gallery where so many of the members had posted pictures both of them selves and of their thinspiration. So many beautiful images. I could look at them for hours.

I just wanted to find my own camera and start contributing.

So if you're looking for a great ProAna place this is it
www.myproana.com

Work my butt off - literarly

So on my way to thinner thighs I've finally got around to doing some workout.
And I hate working out.

But at least I've been doing some squats, som hip trusts and som push-ups-
I think I've lost a lot of muscles on my way down from 73 to 52 kilos.

But maybe I can rebuild them a bit now.

Also a collegaue of mine has challenged me to a cross country ski run next year...
I'm not sure I'm up to that though.... Although it would be fun to accept the challenge, I'm not sure I'm fit enough to complete the run. It's 54km.....

Size Zero!!! Why do I feel fat?

So I reached my goal. Back at 52kg/114,5lbs



And I know I'm skinny!! I went shopping at Tommy Hilfiger store... or at least I wanted to shop. But found out they only had clothes down to size 4, and I'm obviously a SIZE ZERO

I just can't get why my thighs are so fat and wobbly?

I know I should work out more, but I really hate to work out.
It's just not for me.

As I look at everyone else while I'm there and judge them, I assume everyone else looks at me and judges me...
And I don't wanna be judged so therefor I don't go!

Easy as that...en therefore I have fat thighs... easy as that

BUHU!!