How the f#@k

Two and a half days of,  not binging,  but just eating a bit more than usual
And I mean just a bit more:

Friday 912 calories
Saturday 1464
Sunday 1738

And Sunday I even worked off almost a 1000 calories

And today it's like up 3,7 lbs since Friday morning
How is that even possible???

I'm not even sure the food I ate weighed that much!

God this is so depressing.
I mean I knew I wasn't going to lose weight over the weekend
And okay,  I could deal with 2 pounds up, but 3,7???
That's just mean :(

Addicted to myProAna

Jeez! I had no idea it was possible to get so addicted to a forum that when it one day isn't online it's like I have a huge craving that doesn't go away.

I so miss the forum and can't wait for them to be back online.

In the meantime I have been good although I ate more yesterday than I have in the last four days together.

But ended just above 700 cals
Not bad for a Friday

Today will be a bigger challenge not to go all crazy with food.  I've promised my daughter a trip to the mall and coffee at starbucks
Then dinner comes around for its share of calories and then there's movie time which certainly includes popcorn

And then a glass of something good to end the day with my hubby :)

Oh yes. Im sure the scale won't be nice to me tomorrow.

Well time to face it today
So hoping it at least hasn't gone up already.  Just stay put on 49.7 from yesterday will be a good start of the day :)

Well of course it wasn't down! 

But did it really have to be up 0.3 kg since yesterday? Depressing :(

Friday and ready for the weekend

Below 50kg today - WOW what an amazing feeling

Unfortunately/fortunately either way you see it... it's friday
Which means that I'll probably gonna up my calories, a little today, and some more tomorrow and Sunday and Monday I'll be complaining about gaining weight again.

So you are here by warned!!

But there's no way I'll be able to go through a weekend together with my family not eating.
And I (which is my weakness) just love food to much to be able to not eat when we have taco and share popcorn with the kids, so I'll just have to face it that even though I'm so close to my UGW today, I will have to work to get there next week too....

So happy weekend to you all - with or without food LOL

Best day in a long time

What a wonderful feeling to wake up, step on the scale and

WoHOO! 50kg!!


So motivated these days - feel I'll actually gonna reach it this time.

Stayed under 350 calories yesterday. So proud of my self :)



Then starts the real job - keeping the weight stable!

Panic attack over

So yesterdays panic attack over my body measurements has settled. A little.

I'm not sure where my head was when I did the measuring Monday evening, but I must have been pretty lost.

But then again - that was good news this morning.

Well, first off all I stayed under 300 cals yesterday that means I'm rid of this "don't give a shit weekend" at that feels really good. (I'll try to stay under 300 today too.)

And I re-did the meassuring, as I couldn't believe the numbers from Monday.
77cm around my waist?? And my pants feel loose, that doesn't add up.

And it didn't
So here are today's correct measurements :) 

A big improvement since yesterday
HA HA



Good to see I only have to loose 2 inches around my waist and 1 around my hips to be safely within the size zero

And also..... the scale showed 50.9kg/112,2lbs today.
Which means......
.....only 1,9kg / 4,2 lbs to UGW

I CAN DO THAT!!

Don't give a shit weekend

So to remove any doubt - if there ever was any!

No wonder people who don't give a shit get fat!

And if you choose to don't give a shit about what you eat for a whole weekend - you have to learn to not give a shit about your weight monday morning too!

Which I'm not good at!

So that means I have to pull my act together and make some serious changes

Also measured my self yesterday. Yet another dismal discovery!
I can't believe I have allowed my self to become this huge during summer.

I could cry!!! 6 inches around my waist??!!! How is that even possible!!

So I now have to loose at least 7 pounds, 6 inches around my waist and 2,5 inches around my hips, and 1 inch at least around my thighs to really get that thigh gap defined!

Let's get to work!

Yet another day in paradise??!! Or not :P

1. Found out why I'm stuck on a plateau - that time of the month

2. Obviously will be stuck there a few days - that time of the month requires chocolate

3. Might even gain weight - coming down with something and that means slouching on the couch

Other than that – it’s a great day

My head is banging like hell.

Feels like my eyes are crossing all the time and reading is really hard.

My desk is overflowing with papers.

I have ten thousand things I should have done today.

I definitely should have worked out today as I signed up for a mountain run this weekend (not sure that's gonna happend)

Other than that – it’s a great day 

Feel good

Although the scale hasn't moved and the pounds are still there, today has been a good day

Had a great day at work. Went golfing in the afternoon and now I'm slacking in the sofa with CSI and skinny popcorn (artificial butter taste-gotta love that) 

And all day I've felt....Skinny!!!! 

Rambling thoughts - The story of a fat girl turned skinny

(Originally posted at myproana.com)

So why am I here?

I'm not anorexic, I'm not bulimic,

Although I wear an Ana bracelet every day

You can see my collarbones and my ribs

I hardly eat anything

I envy you!

I envy you your control

I envy you the fact that you don't have to worry that if you eat something you actually will get fat (although I know you think so)

It's like I'm an recovery alcoholic though with food

I love food

I love to eat food, smell food, make food, buy food

There's almost no food I would or could not eat - a lot of

I will finish a cake if you put it in front of me

I will eat what's left in the pan when we have dinner
I'll have a starter, a main course and dessert, and then I'd stop for coffee and cake, or an ice cream on the way home

I wish I wouldn't 

I wish I didn't have to fight every day to control my self. To fight every meal the urge to just have a little bit more to eat

I wasn't obese, but I sure was on my way

I'd tried every diet, shake, you name it, to loose weight

Then I found Ana

Or the way of Ana

The control of Ana

At first I pretended I really got Ana

I pretended I had to control my eating, that the control of food was controlling me

I finally started to loose weight

My BMI started to drop from close to 30 and slowly down to 25 - 23 - 21 - 19 - 18

And you all think now, look what happened to her!
She thought Ana was a good thing and now she really got Ana

She hung around places like this and now she's really become anorexic

I didn't

I still fight every day, every meal, not to loose control

If you place a cake in front of me today you won't believe the fight I have to take on inside to stop the urge in me from eating the whole cake

But I don't binge

A binge is a momentarily slip of control

If I loose control it won't be a momentarily slip. If I start eating I won't stop

I won't eat until I puke. I don't puke from food

I tried that in the beginning but I love food to much to throw it up

I can smell the food from the kitchen right now.
Fried onions and garlic.

I wish I could just eat normal and be happy

But I don't want to be the fat cow I used to be
I don't want to be out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs
I don't want to hear my doctors warnings that my hearth is in even more danger
I don't want to go to the bathroom and be afraid to see my self in the mirror because it depresses me

So I don't eat
That's why I'm here

Up and not about...

... and that's more or less what I am right now.
Feel exhausted after last weeks work odeal. I'm not cut out for that many days in a row with than many hours at the office.

I need a life beside my work.

So right now I'm kind of low motivated, low energized, low inspiring and in desperate need of chocolate

Remember to step on the scale this morning - although that didn't actually put a smile on my face.
Seems I'm about to hit a plateau. Hate those.
In other words, I haven't lost a thing since yesterday *yuck*

And I'm cold. Freaking freezing cold.
Which I hope only means that summer is leaving and autumn coming, and not that I'm coming down with